A little quick fun with j-job ads

You do it, too, don't you? Y'know, read the press association job classifieds. After all, you gotta know what's out there that might fit a journalist of your caliber. Right? Sure. But you've been in the business long enough to interpret at least some of the weird things the ads can say. Let's have fun with a few examples, lifted from the Web, but sanitized for your (and my) protection. Translations and comments are in (itals).

Our first exhibit:
Weekly Editor. The (paper) in (state) is seeking an editor who enjoys the challenges of a small office (read: ''closet'') and the rewards of "doing it all." (Not that we know of any; we're just desperate enough to use that line to see if some poor sucker will fall for it.) Must be able to connect with a community. (By 'community,' we mean all the kooks the publisher's sick of dealing with.) The ideal candidate will be familiar with Quark XPress, digital photography and the basics of managing an office. ( You're going to be all alone. And too busy to pee.) Willing to train (for at least 30 minutes) an individual (read: ''schmuck'') with an aptitude for the written word (you don't have to be any good at it, just know what it is ...) and a desire serve a rural community ( . .. as we demonstrate by leaving out a preposition.) Please submit a letter of application and resume to (that's enough) ... and, by the way, why talk about compensation when you won't be getting any, to speak of?

Here's a beauty:
DO IT ALL: ( and we DO mean ALL) Don't get bogged down doing the same thing everyday. (Stability and an identifiable set of expectations are just so boring, really.) The (newspaper) is looking for someone who can cover it all, as well as shoot photos, and wants some variety in his/her life. (No rest or time off, but a lot of - yeah, variety; that's the ticket!) Work with a great staff (of at least one other person, when you can find him or her) on this ... newspaper in (area), and be one of the first to work on (a) new data-based (name brand) front-end system (coming next spring). (Can you say 'there go my weekends'? I knew you could.) Excellent corporate benefits include profit-sharing; 401(k); health, dental, life and disability insurances; (a brand of employee savings account) and more. (They're the least we can do because we don't pay squat.) Check out our web site at (url) then send your resume and clips to ... (Hell Central.)

We'll just use the first two lines of the next one because no sane person would read past them:

NEWS EDITOR: Are you someone who wants to make a difference in the lives of other people? If you have that desire, along with the skills necessary to work in the editorial department of a community newspaper organization, we would like to talk with you.... (But we would strongly suggest you talk to a psychologist first. The balance of this ad gives no clue whatsoever about duties. It does sketch out compensation, well enough. But you have to have some way to match up the duties with that, and this ad doesn't help.

But we'll not go away without an example of a good, honest, clearly worded ad for a position. We'll not hide the names for this, because credit belongs where it is due. We do caution, however, that the position may not be available (note the date of posting at the end of the ad and, no, I did not apply for the position):

Managing editor. The Hays Daily News seeks applicants with newsroom management experience to oversee a staff of 17. The ideal candidate will have a proven track record of training and motivating reporters, photographers and editors. Must be able to create and meet budgetary needs for editorial department. Need a creative, optimistic visionary who can help staff connect events to the big picture and meet the challenges of reaching new readers. Must be able to write personal columns and editorials as well as be a productive member of the management team. Competitive pay based on experience and performance. Benefits include ESOP, 401(k), medical plan, life insurance and flexible spending account. Please submit letter of application and resume ASAP to: Patrick Lowry, The Hays Daily News, PO Box 857, Hays, KS 67601, plowry@dailynews.net. 7/31/06

(What do I like about this ad? For one thing, this is an ad for a real, live managing editor - not one in title only, as so many are. And it is honest and concise. The closest it comes to hyperbole are with the words "ideal," "creative," "optimistic" and "proven" - but each term is well used in its context. Note the absence of the overworked (and always unclear) "energetic" or "motivated" or "enthusiastic." And it gives every bit of information fit to give in an ad. This kind of ad is a refreshing oasis in the dry wasteland of journalism job ads.)

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